Games of the heart
by black widow mistress
Summary: Johns harbouring guilt over not getting to her sooner and Elizabeth is fed up and confused with his actions towards her while at a Gala dinner on earth in DC. Minor tags to the real world. No spoilers.


**I own nothing! I don't even own action figures! Although I really want a set! Anyway, it's set sometime after the real world... but it's got no real spoilers just vague references, so yeah, Enjoy! And please review! They make my day! :D**

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"Maybe you should have just stayed in Atlantis and not come here" she said bitterly as she looked at the man in front of her.

"Elizabeth..." he tried trailing off unsure of what to say.

"Don't" she whispered. "You can't even bring yourself to touch me John, you're still harbouring some guilt over what happened; You can touch every other girl you meet but you're reserved with me and I can't stand that" she bit out, tears threatening to escape her eyes.

"Don't, it's not like that" he said, trying to reason with her

"Not like what John? I can't do this" she said turning; leaving him standing in the large garden alone, the lights and music behind him.

John looked in the direction she had run debating if he should follow her before turning and walking back to the party.

"Was that Elizabeth we saw run off?" Jack asked as he sat down followed shortly by Sam.

"Yup" he said bluntly taking a mouthful of scotch.

"I think what Jack is trying to ask is why did she run off in such a hurry?" Sam asked softly.

John looked at them both, his eyes narrowing as he answered. " Because we had a fight, because she thinks I can't stand to be around her and I have some guilt complex about her or something" he said taking another mouthful.

Sam grimaced and Jack sighed, the tension in the air thick as none of them talked and the music blared in the background.

"Did you tell her that wasn't true?" Jack finally asked when the silence became awkward.

"What do you think?" John bit out sarcastically.

"So that's a yes" Sam muttered to herself.

"Look, she's a wonderful girl Sheppard, you'd be stupid to let her get away" Jack said.

John turned to look at him. "You don't think I know that? You don't think I love her? That for every single minute she was gone I worried? he hissed out causing Jack to raise an eyebrow at him.

"Have you told her that?" he asked causing John to flinch slightly.

"No" he answered.

"Then go, you know where she's staying so go find her and tell her goddamnit, if you love her so much fight for her" Jack said, emotion seeping into his voice causing sam to smile slightly.

John looked at them both for a moment before getting up, "Okay, I'll go, but if this doesn't work out I blame you" he said walking off only to be stopped by Jacks voice once more.

"She loves you Sheppard, she just needs to know you love her too" he said shrugging.

"Fine fine" John said smirking slightly before leaving the party.

'You're home early" Elizabeth's mother said as her daughter walked through the door.

"I didn't want to stay" she said bluntly as she walked off towards her bedroom.

"Elizabeth, do you want a tea?" he mother called after her.

Elizabeth shook her head "No, thanks, I think I'll just get changed and stay up and watch some television" she said her voice fading as she walked up the hallway, her mother standing there looking at her, a questioning look on her face.

"You okay?" her mother asked from the doorway to her bedroom as Elizabeth changed into sweat pants and a sweater.

"Fine" she said meekly causing her mother to tilt her head knowingly.

"I haven't seen you like this since what's his name in your first year of college" she said softly coming up behind her daughter and wrapping her arms around her.

Elizabeth sighed "I'm fine mum, I just didn't want to keep making nice with a bunch of politicians" she said softly.

"If you say so, well I am off to bed seeing you don't wanna talk; so I'll see you in the morning" she said kissing her daughter on the forehead before walking off down the hall.

Elizabeth nodded before pulling the overly fluffy ugg boots from under the bed where she had kicked them that morning and slipping them on her feet, padding down the hall to the living room, a smile gracing her features as rain started to fall lightly outside.

"It's all the same isn't it?" she muttered to herself as she watched the teen rated soap opera on the television. "They all get their hearts broken, but they get a happy ending don't they" she said popping another chocolate into her mouth before being interrupted by a knock on the door.

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow in a questioning manner and looked at the clock on the wall before back to the door, a sigh escaping her lips as she got up from the couch and walked to the door looking grabbing the broom on her way.

John run his eyes over the woman in front of him, her hair tied up in a messy bun and an oversized sweater covering her frame, the zebra printed sweats disappearing into a pair of fluffy boots that resembled cookie monster in his is thoughts before stopping on the wooden handled broom she was holding, a look of surprise on her face.

"John?" she asked staring at the soaked man her eyes wide.

"Hey 'Lizbeth, greet everyone with a broom?" he asked joking, smirking as her eyes looked down at the offending item a blush tinting her cheeks.

"Uh, I wasn't sure who it was at the door" she said shrugging and resting it against the door. "So why are you here?" she asked, her voice suddenly full of coldness.

John sighed, "Listen, I didn't come here for a fight; I came to fix things" he said hopefully, silently willing her to listen to him.

"Oh really?" she asked cynically and John frowned.

"Really, you left before I could explain anything" he said causing her to raise an eyebrow again.

"There's not a lot to explain John" she said softly sighing as she watched the rain get heavier and louder as it hit the ground.

"Yes there is Liz" he said taking a step closer to her.

"You should go" She said turning around, her eyes cold and her voice laced with bitterness as her hand went to the door handle to close it.

"No" he said as he reached out and grabbed her hand. "I don't want to" he added causing her to shake her head, her voice breaking as she spoke.

"You don't get it do you? I'm not like the other girls John, I don't play around like they do" she said softly causing him to frown at her.

"What do you mean?" he asked slightly perplexed unsure where this came from.

"Goddamnit John! I'm a diplomat, trained to withstand some of the toughest of people and you, you get to me in ways people never have been able to and that scares me because I don't want to be another floozy. I want to be someone that means something to you, I want you to be able to be yourself around me! You couldn't even bloody look at me straight all night, let alone show affection when we were alone, do you see what I mean now?" she asked, the last part coming out of her mouth as a hiss.

John stared at her for a moment thinking about what she had said before answering.

"I never meant to come off as an ass" he said softly causing her to laugh.

"You never do John, you just make it happen" she said her eyes narrowed and a bittersweet smile twisting her features.

"For gods sake Elizabeth; you don't think you affect me like I affect you? You don't think that it scares me too? God, like you said, I have floozies and then there is you!, you're everything they're not and you do something to me" he said stopping for a moment to assess he reaction before continuing. "When you were gone, when you were taken; all I could think of was you weren't here, you were out there and I couldn't get you back, do you have any idea how many times I just didn't want to be alive if there was the possibility you weren't? Do you know how it feels to have to think that maybe the person you love isn't going to come back to you again; to have to deal with that sort of feeling?" he said before stopping abruptly, the look on her face telling him he'd made a mistake.

Elizabeth looked up at him, her lips pressed tightly together, her eyes full of unshed tears; pain glittering through them causing his heart to sink a little.

"That, is what I feel every time you go on a mission, every time that you don't come back, when you get captured and when you get injured, I have felt that every time you've left that control room, every time you've thrown caution to the wind. You think I don't have any idea how that feels? Well I do John; I know that feeling well" she said a tear slipping from her eye and running down her cheek.

John stood still and watched as she stared at him, pain showing across her face mixed with sorry.

"I never realised" he said finally causing her to shake her head.

"I never expected you to" she said "You were busy with everything else" she said swiping at the tears coming down her cheeks.

"But..." he started only to be cut off by her.

"Don't" she said putting a hand up. "Don't make excuses. You couldn't even look at me John" she said bitterly. "Is it that hard remembering? Having to admit that you were helpless, it isn't the first time something like this has happened, I almost lost you to that bug remember? Why can't you just accept it was out of your control?" she asked, her face tear blotched and etched with sadness.

John looked at her for a moment before reaching a hand out to wipe a tear that was coming down her cheek, his feet involuntarily moving him forward, closer to her before starting to speak.

"Because it's you, I'm responsible for you, for your safety and making sure you don't get into situations like you did and it kills me, physically kills me to know that I could have stopped it" he said softly, his voice hitching as he thought about how she had left them there and sacrificed herself.

"But you couldn't have stopped it John; I was infected, they wanted me, and god if it wasn't for you I wouldn't even be alive let alone here" she said softly, her hand reaching up to his and gripping it softly. "You have no idea what it does to me when you shut me out" she added softly.

John looked at her and sighed, his brows furrowed. "I'm sorry 'Lizbeth" he said as he leant down and softly kissed her lips.

"Just don't do it again, please?" she asked before returning the kiss, her hand sliding up his arm and around his neck, pulling him closer.

"I can't promise that" he said softly against her lips causing her to frown. "I'm always going to worry about you" he added smirking as her lips curled into a smile.

"You're all wet" she said suddenly pushing him away as she run a hand through his unruly hair.

"Shower?" he offered following her inside, causing her to shake her head.

"Shoes off, ensuite's in my room; and Nope, I'm relatively dry" she said poking her tongue, causing him to move suddenly as if he was going to run after her.

"No!" she squealed before clapping her hand over her mouth.

"Elizabeth?" he asked puzzled before she grabbed his hand and dragged him into her bedroom.

"Mum's asleep, and I don't want to explain you being soaking wet to her, bad enough I'm going to have to explain the strange man that has appeared in my bedroom." She said chuckling at the thought.

John looked at her for a moment, a smirk forming on his face and Elizabeth furrowed her brow.

"What?" she asked curiously.

He shook his head before leaning forwards and catching her lips in his. "Just thinking how much I love you" he said after the kiss ended.

Elizabeth grinned widely as he turned to enter the ensuite. "I love you too" she called after him causing him to grin this time as she sat up on the bed and waited for him to finish.

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**DONE! now go click the pretty button and review me you know you wanna! :D pleeeeeeeease :D**


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